Parenting

The Most Common Parenting Mistake Of All

2007-10-03T05:11:00.001-07:00

Becoming a parent, especially for the first time, is an exciting but scary experience. You'll be entering a whole new world where different rules apply, and no matter how prepared you think you are, there's usually little you've experienced before which you can draw on when making the choices and snap decisions that will become a major part of your life once the little one arrives.

It's for this reason that there's an abundance of parenting advice available which you can use to inform your decisions. There are print magazines packed with useful advice, web sites with tons of articles to peruse, not to mention the well meaning but sometimes irritating advice and opinions of family and friends. Despite all this information being available, most parents are terrified that they're somehow not up to the job and will do it wrong, and herein lies the most common parenting mistake of all: not trusting in your own judgment and instincts.

However intimidating the prospect is of having ultimate responsibility for the nurture of a new and precious life, you should be in no doubt that you have exactly the skills and capabilities you'll need over the coming years.

Think about it. As human beings, we're all parenting specialists. In evolutionary and genetic terms, our whole existence is geared towards producing and nurturing offspring, and over the millions of years that the human species has been developing we've become generally incredibly good at it. You only need to watch a mother and child together to know that however difficult the process may seem, bringing up a child is the most natural thing in the world, and something for which each and every parent to be has the necessary skills to make a success of it if they make it their number one focus.

Of course, this doesn't mean that you should ignore all advice. After all, the experience handed down from generation to generation is absolutely vital and is how civilization developed in the first place. Not one of us has all the answers, we all need input from others in all kinds of situations.

But trust in your own capabilities as a parent above all else, and trust in your own ability to make the best of all the advice and support that's out there. That way you'll definitely be the best parent your child could ever have.

About The Author

Andrea Flint writes for http://www.informationwarehouse.co.uk/ where you can read more parenting articles at http://www.informationwarehouse.co.uk/family/parenting/

A Parenting Tip For Newbies - Check Who’s Really In Charge

2007-10-03T05:10:00.003-07:00

I remember it well.

My oldest son was a tiny little toddler, full of spunk. I was still a newbie mom, delighted that my precious son was healthy and thriving. We were enjoying each new day together, lulled into the luscious sense that we were buddies. You know, on-the-same-side.

Parenting Tip 101: when they're cute and happy...beware.

As you are about to find out, it really wasn't my fault at all...I mean, how could I have even KNOWN what he was about to do?

Let me start at the beginning. The beginning of that day, not the beginning of his life. We did our morning thing at home. Breakfast, getting dressed, picking up toys (Round One for the day). I needed to go to the store for a few items so off we went, me with my list and him with his dry diaper.

Life was good. Life was SWEET.

(By the way, let me say now, as a parent that should be your first clue. When things are going well, really, really smoothly, look out. In fact, duck. Something big is coming.)

Anyway, back to my story.

My son and I arrived at the store where I deposited him gently into a waiting shopping cart. He immediately began the process of removing himself from the cart. I began the process of reinserting him into the cart.

I won. We began shopping.

Things actually went swimmingly for awhile. I collected the items I needed while Son #1 interested himself with the big wide world around him. Being a social child, people were one of his favorite toys. He smiled, he giggled, he reached out with his chubby little hand as other shoppers moved in and out of his visual range.

Did I mention life was sweet?

My first mistake was getting complacent. I know, I know, that's a tactical error I would never have committed later on in my parenting career, but I was a newbie, remember? Little son seemed so happy I forgot how quickly the scenario could change. So I let my guard down and I actually...I'm ashamed to admit it...I BROWSED. I slowly and pleasurably went from item to item, savoring my tiny bit of adult time.

Son-boy caught on real fast.

His wide smile drooped, a little. He squirmed, more. His giggles took on a slight whiney quality.

But I was hooked. I was SHOPPING.

We did alright for a bit. But the kid's non-existent patience was wearing thin. His giggles were totally gone now and he was talking to me, plaintively.

"Mommy. Mommy! MOMMMYYYYY!”

I tried to soothe him with one hand without diverting my attention from the racks of clothing I was picking through. In the back of my mind, I tried to gauge how long I had until his cries would become annoying and I would actually have to bless him with my undivided attention.

In reality, my son was way ahead of me.

Since his attempts to get my focus were not working, he upped the ante. Rummaging through his limited vocabulary, he discovered a treasure as immense as any buried in the Valley of the Kings. It was a big word, huge by his budding understanding and he didn't even know what it meant. But he had heard it recently and it had come out of the mouth of an adult so it must be GOOD.

And now was the perfect time to try it out.

"Die-ree-uh! Die-ree-uh!"

My beautiful little son sang out his new word with all the gusto he could muster. Truly, he was nearly shrieking the word, and his clarity was astonishing.

More importantly, he now had my full and complete attention.

I put both my hands on either side of his round little face and shushed him gently.

No change.

I got firmer, scrunching my face in my fiercest 'no' expression and shaking my head strongly.

Nada. Zilch response on the positive scale.

So I did what any good parent would do in the same situation. I ditched the cart and contents, grabbed the kid and made for the store exit.

'Die-ree-uh' and I swooped through the door and into the sunlight, which magically transformed him instantly.

"Mommy done?" he asked pleasantly.

"Oh yah," I replied, humbled by his self-control. "Mommy done shopping for the next 18 years."

As I cuddled him into his car seat, I laughed at myself. I had a lot to learn about influencing my son's behavior and he apparently was born knowing how to control mine.

Parenting Tip 102: don't let size fool you.

About The Author

Colleen Langenfeld has been parenting for over 25 years and helps other moms enjoy mothering more at http://www.paintedgold.com. Get another parenting tip today at http://www.paintedgold.com/Kids/parenting-tip.html.

The Frustrations and Rewards of Parenting Teenagers

2007-10-03T05:10:00.001-07:00

Most parents - whether they admit it or not - react to the onset of their child's teenage years with either trepidation or absolute dread. We look back to our own teenage years, and wonder how our parents lived through our fads, our raging hormones, our rebellion, and our attitudes. It's almost as though, overnight, our parents went from knowing everything to knowing nothing, from understanding our hopes and dreams to being clueless about who we are and what we want out of life. Looking back, we know that parenting teenagers is no cakewalk, and can't begin to imagine how we'll survive the ordeal.

If only there was a parent handbook or parent directory, teens would be so much easier to raise. Even a family newsletter with tips and hints would be welcomed and make us feel as though we're not alone in our journey. There's never a doubt that we want what's best for our children, but what are we supposed to do when we lose our equanimity and get sucked into yet another argument about friends or clothes or the car? Is there any hope of ever having another enjoyable family vacation? How do we know when our teenager just has the blues and when he or she is clinically depressed? If it's the latter, what are the skills involved in parenting troubled teens?

Although we may approach our child's teenage years with dread, the truth is that parenting teenagers can be rewarding. Here are four tips to get through those teenage years.

1. Acknowledge our power. Although our teens would be loath to admit it, we still wield an enormous amount of influence over them. We may not think they're listening to us, but they are. During stressful times when we're tempted to take the bait and lay down ultimatums or get into an argument, it's important to remember that we're still role models for our teens. The more often we take the high road, the more they'll benefit.

2. Loosen the apron strings. It's difficult to accept that the purpose of the teenage years is to separate and differentiate from parents. When our teenagers begin to develop their own personal tastes and opinions, and especially when they want to be treated "as adults," it's hard to find the right balance between maintaining control and allowing them to nurture their individuality. We have the right and the obligation to set rules and standards, but we can't set them arbitrarily. If our teens demonstrate that they're trustworthy, we must give them room to grow.

3. Be vigilant. It's difficult to imagine that parenting teenagers is more difficult than parenting toddlers, but it's true. We may have loosened the apron strings, but that doesn't mean we should let go. All teenagers have secrets, and it's our job to make sure that our teens' secrets don't have the potential to harm themselves or others. That doesn't mean snooping (trust goes both ways), but it does mean staying involved in and aware of their activities and friends.

4. Listen with our ears and our hearts. Teenagers are notoriously uncommunicative, so listening is doubly important. This means listening both when they're speaking and when they're not. As the saying goes, silence can speak volumes, so it's crucial to learn to interpret the different kinds of silence. We also need to learn to listen by asking. This doesn't mean hounding our teens with questions, but asking their opinions and truly hearing what they have to say - without passing judgment or correcting them. All teens seek acceptance, and although most go through periods of feeling acceptance is lacking from their peers, we can fill in the gaps.

There's no doubt that parenting teenagers is incredibly challenging. And the reality is that we may not see the fruits of our efforts for several years. But when we devote the time and develop the skills to effectively parent our teens, we will experience the rewards, both now and in the future.

About The Author

Chris Robertson is a published author of Majon International. Majon International is one of the worlds MOST popular internet marketing and internet advertising companies on the web. Visit their main business resource web site at: http://www.majon.com

To learn more about subjects like parenting please visit the web site at: http://www.parentingateenager.net

For more information and informative related articles and links about this subject matter and content, please visit Majon's Family and Children directory: http://www.majon.com/directory/Family_and_Children

Parenting A Teenager - What A Teen Wishes You Knew

2007-10-03T05:09:00.002-07:00

Are you parenting a teenager? Would it help to know what he (or she) is thinking?

Recently I sat down with a 17 year old young woman, Amy (not her real name), and asked her this question.

(Colleen) "Amy, what frustrations do teenagers have with their parents? What do teenagers wish they could tell their parents, but often don't?"

(Amy) "Well, let me think a minute. Okay, here's a thought. Parents are all the time complaining we (teenagers) don't do as we're told. I'm talking about things like chores and such. But parents need to remember that most teenagers have really full schedules.

"Honestly, we often just forget to do what we're asked and then we get in trouble and the whole situation escalates.

"What I have found works for me is for my mom to give me a list of what she wants done and also when she wants it done. Then I'm able to fit the jobs into all my other activities and if I forget, it really is my fault. I keep up much better with my chores this way, plus I like managing my own schedule."

(Colleen) "That's good information, Amy. Any other thoughts?"

(Amy) "Yes. Another thing parents might consider is if they have a particular rule and they say there's an exception to that rule, define the exception up front. Don't make us figure it out by trial and error and then getting in trouble. We can't read your mind."

(Colleen) "Parents get frustrated by that one, too. Anything else?"

(Amy) "I also think that pushing all the time about joining family activities just makes teenagers tune out. For me, I enjoy spending time with my family, but not every minute of every day. I want to spend time with my friends, too.

"If I know when it's important to be at family stuff, then I make sure I'm there and I can plan with my friends, too. More of a balanced plan."

(Colleen) "Thank you, Amy, for sharing with us. Your comments are very insightful." (End of interview.)

Good food for thought, isn't it? (If you would enjoy more tips on parenting teens, please see the author's resource box below.) Do Amy's frustrations sound familiar? You might want to sit down with your own teen and ask these same questions of them. But be prepared to listen and not lecture, if you want the real answers!

Parenting a teenager can be hard work. Good parenting means listening and guiding. Giving a measure of freedom within clear boundaries and often walking a fine line of balance.

And lots of hugs are a good idea, too!

About The Author

Colleen Langenfeld has been parenting for over 25 years and helps other moms enjoy mothering more at http://www.paintedgold.com. Get more parenting teenager strategies today at http://www.paintedgold.com/Kids/parenting-teenager.html.

Parenting Advice on Shopping with Children

2007-10-03T05:09:00.001-07:00

Every parent knows that shopping with children can be very challenging. Tantrums can be excruciatingly plentiful in the shortest of shopping trips. However, parents can ensure a more peaceful supermarket excursion with the following guidelines.

1. If you're planning to shop with your children, plan it ahead. Determine beforehand where you'll be going and what you'll be looking for. Inform your children the kind of shopping trip they can expect. But if your kid is not especially comfortable in supermarkets and tends to get cranky every three minutes, then it's best to go shopping alone.

2. Shopping with your kids can be totally stressing. Before you go ahead with that shopping trip, be sure that you aren't stressed out yourself, have eaten something and have the patience needed to survive the trip. Shopping with the kids is also easier if the children are well-rested and have been fed.

3. Shopping with children also mean that you have to be attentive to their needs. They might get hungry or thirsty so be sure to have a snack or drink on hand. Children may also be intimidated by the supermarket crowd and be overwhelmed by the surroundings, most especially when activity in the stores are hectic. Give them a reassuring hug once in a while.

4. Since children are innately curious beings, they might want to reach out for every colorful item that takes their fancy and play with it. Instead of scolding them, teach them how to hold it safely or inform them gently that they can only look at it and not touch it. While the item may not necessarily be part of your shopping list, it's helpful to share in the child's interest in it and explain what it is, what it is for and why it can’t go into the cart

5. If you're shopping with pre-school children, get them involved in counting and choosing items. This will be a learning experience for them and would also keep their attention away from other unnecessary activities like reaching out for items you don't have a need for.

6. When your children want something they can't have, saying no without being subjected to temper tantrums can be mighty difficult. It might help to promise the kids that they can have it the next time you go shopping, but only when they promise to be good. When turning down your children, be sure to accompany the act with a smile and a hug.

7. If you have reached your limit, deal with your negative emotions positively. Go outside with your children, get refreshed and enjoy a few minutes of fresh air away from the shopping crowds. This will improve your shopping mood greatly.

8. If after all the well-meaning suggestions have been put to use and you still cannot stop your child from throwing tantrums, don't force it. Postpone your shopping and tend to your child who might be feeling exhausted and just wants to go home. Pushing it would only lead to more stressful situations.

Shopping with children could be an unnerving experience. But by working their way around it and setting the pace appropriately, parents will find that even with the youngest child, shopping can be enjoyable. Plus, shopping is also a good opportunity for them to connect with their kids.

About The Author

For more of Veronica Fisher's FREE parenting advice please visit page at http://www.parentingadvicetips.info/parenting_tip.html or parenting site at www.parentingadvicetips.info.

Parenting: Prescribing the Symptom

2007-10-03T05:08:00.004-07:00

Rebecca was struggling with 3 year old Kevin's screaming. Whenever someone didn't do what he wanted, he screamed and screamed, hoping to get his way. Rebecca had tried many different things to get Kevin to stop screaming, such as time outs, telling him to use his words, walking away and ignoring him, taking away toys and taking away events, such as a birthday party. A couple of times she had lost it and screamed back at him. Nothing was working to get Kevin to stop screaming. Even though screaming didn't work for him to get his way, he kept doing it.

As Rebecca and I discussed it in a phone session, it became apparent to me that Kevin and Rebecca were stuck in a power struggle, with Rebecca trying to get Kevin to stop screaming and Kevin doing everything he could to resist being controlled. We needed another tactic.

"Rebecca, the next time Kevin screams, do what I call 'prescribing the symptom.' This means that you say to Kevin something like, "Kevin, maybe you are not screaming loud enough. Maybe if you scream louder, you will get what you want." You need to say it in a light tone of voice, with no anger. Almost matter-of-factly."

The next time Kevin screamed, Rebecca did exactly that.

"Kevin looked at me like 'are you kidding me?' and screamed louder. So I told him that it must not be loud enough, so he screamed louder. When I told him it still wasn't loud enough, he looked at me like I was nuts and stopped screaming. He hasn't screamed like that since!"

So what happened here? What happened is that Kevin was screaming to not be controlled by Rebecca, as well as hoping to get his way. When she actually told him to scream, the only way he could not be controlled by her was to stop screaming! Her prescribing the symptom also pointed out to him the absurdity of screaming to get his way.

Prescribing the symptom can work for many behaviors:

"Maybe if you whine even more, you will get what you want."

"I don't think your temper tantrum is quite doing it. Maybe if you kick harder and cry louder, you will get what you want. I'm sure you can do better than this."

"You know, that's a pretty good pout. But it's not quite good enough. Maybe if you pout even more you can get what you want."

"You are putting up a pretty good argument. Maybe if you argue longer and louder, you will get what you want."

You need to be sure that you do this right away, before you feel angry or frustrated. You need to be able to keep it light. It is important for your child to see you calm rather than flustered. Sometimes kids act out just to feel the sense of control over their parents' behavior when their parents get angry and flustered. It can give children a sense of power to upset people so much bigger than them.

Fortunately or unfortunately, prescribing the symptom can work with adults too - adults who are acting like kids and going into resistance. Many people automatically resist as soon as they think someone is trying to control them and prescribing the symptom can work wonders with these resistant people.

It might even work with your self. If you find yourself reaching for the box of cookies when you have vowed to lose weight, telling yourself that maybe eating the whole box will make you feel better and solve whatever problem or feelings you are trying to avoid with the cookies might just stop you in your tracks, as it did with Kevin!

About The Author

Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is the best-selling author and co-author of eight books, including "Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By You?" and “Healing Your Aloneness.” She is the co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding® healing process. Learn Inner Bonding now! Visit her web site for a FREE Inner Bonding course: http://www.innerbonding.com or email her at mailto:margaret@innerbonding.com. Phone Sessions Available.

The Secret: Law of Attraction Used for Your Parenting Success

2007-10-03T05:08:00.003-07:00

Law of Attraction and Effective Parenting

Struggle is not part of the natural order of life. One never sees a cherry tree struggle to produce blossoms when given the right environment. Why? Because the tree is simply following its purpose—its basic nature. Fortunately, struggle does not have to be part of the parenting equation either. This is good news for many parents because if we choose to use the law of attraction we can experience a happier, more peaceful and respectful home. Yes, this can even mean eliminating award-winning temper tantrums for good. Sound too good to be true? Read on.

What is Attraction Parenting?

Attraction parenting employs the principle that the behavior we experience in our home we have attracted to us by our thoughts, deeds and actions. You see, the people around us, especially those closest to us (like our children), simply reflect and respond to our own feelings and actions. As much as we would like to blame our kids for their behavior (especially when they are pushing every button we have, plus some we never knew we had!), generally our kids’ only mirror what is going on within us.

So, if your kids currently have you spluttering and dog-paddling in the "parenting deep end", it may be time to ask yourself:

- How am I contributing to my kids behavior? (Gulp!)
- Are my kids responding to my lack of patience and skyrocketing stress?
- Are my children desperately seeking quality time with me because I haven’t been giving them much special time lately?
- Are my kids no fun to be around because frankly, I am not fun to be around?

Answering these questions truthfully can quickly get to the root cause of their misbehavior.

The Six Secret Parenting Law of Attraction Tips

There are six parenting tips below that can positively transform any household of chaos, frustration and stress into harmony, joy and peace.

The Secret Parenting Law of Attraction Tip #1 - You are modeling for your children how to behave each moment of every day

Children watch what we do far more than they listen to what we say. Thus, if you yell at them to be quiet, push them to do what you want them to do, and use a disrespectful tone when frustrated—you only teach them how to treat you. Stop! Take a breath and make a commitment to walk your talk. Model for your child how a happy, healthy and sane human being looks, talks and acts. Then watch them follow your lead.

The Secret Parenting Law of Attraction Tip #2 - You are your child's most powerful self-esteem mirror

Your child seeks approval from you more than anyone else. You are the mirror that tells them how deserving or unworthy they are. They will believe whatever you reflect to them—positive or negative! Overt and even subtle put-downs can be devastating to their sense of self-worth and wellbeing. When a child has low self-esteem they will often act out, misbehave and drive you nuts! By using the power of positive words and actions to encourage, rather than discourage, you can be a beacon of light illuminating your child's worth. This gift of positive mirroring can inspire your child to believe in themselves, follow their passions and ultimately be someone who is a delight to be around. Therefore, choose to reflect your child's brilliance, special god-given talents, and worth by being grateful for what they are and do.

The Secret Parenting Law of Attraction Tip #3 - The more you focus on the positives of your child, the more you will experience them

One of the most powerful aspects of the law of attraction is that whatever you focus on, expands. Thus, if you spend much of the day nagging about all the things your child isn't doing, or all the bad things your child is doing, you simply attract more of these frustrating experiences to you. Instead, we can take affirmative steps to create the behaviors we want by simply noticing and being grateful for what we do like. One of my favorite parenting gratitude techniques is what I call the "Dog Factor!" You know how dogs unconditionally show us love and affection—greeting us at the door enthusiastically, whether we‘ve been gone for two days or two minutes? Well, apply this approach to your own family. Beam with love when they come home or when they enter the room. Remember that no matter what you are experiencing right now with your family, there are thousands of people in this world (like those who can’t have kids!) who would gladly trade places with you.

The Secret Parenting Law of Attraction Tip #4 - Discipline only teaches children to do better next time, when they feel better

This is probably the most difficult parenting tip to accept. Discipline doesn't have to feel bad to be effective. In fact, most discipline that is based on punitive punishment (things like yelling and taking away privileges), only teaches our kids to lie, and not get caught next time! You reap what you sow. Thus, if your punishment is focused on rehashing all the bad things your child has done, you are only attracting more of this bad behavior to you in the near future.

For discipline to really inspire children to do better next time it needs to:

1. Be respectful
2. Focus on the solution (and how to do better next time)

By filling our home with gratitude for all we do have and with positive words and actions, we can begin to experience more pleasant interactions and actively create the family life of our dreams.

About The Author

Kelly Nault-Matzen, MA, family counselor, corporate parenting spokesperson and award winning parenting author of When You’re About To Go Off The Deep End, Don’t Take Your Kids With You shares time-tested tools that motivate children to want to be well behaved, responsible and happy! To gain access to more parenting tools and to access your free online parenting course visit http://www.ultimateparenting.com

Parenting: Prescribing The Symptom

2007-10-03T05:08:00.001-07:00

About The Author

Margaret Paul, Ph.D., best-selling author of eight books, including "Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By You” and co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding healing process. FREE Inner Bonding course at: http://www.innerbonding.com. Phone sessions available. mailto:margaret@innerbonding.com.

18 Hilarious Parenting Quotes to Celebrate Parents' Day

2007-10-03T05:07:00.002-07:00

Parents' Day is right around the corner and what better way to celebrate than with some funny and humorous parenting quotes? After all, if there's one thing parents deserve, it's a good laugh every now and then. These 18 hilarious parenting quotes are sure to crack smiles on the faces of moms and dads everywhere.

1. "A truly appreciative child will break, lose, spoil, or fondle to death any really successful gift within a matter of minutes." ~ Russell Lynes

2. "The quickest way for a parent to get a child's attention is to sit down and look comfortable." ~ Lane Olinhouse

3. "When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice safe playpen. When they're finished, I climb out." ~ Erma Bombeck

4. "Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap-on-a-rope." ~ Bill Cosby

5. "You can learn many things from children. How much patience you have, for instance." ~ Franklin P. Jones

6. "Few things are more satisfying than seeing your own children have teenagers of their own." ~ Doug Larson.

7. "A three year old child is a being who gets almost as much fun out of a fifty-six dollar set of swings as it does out of finding a small green worm." ~ Bill Vaughan.

8. "In the little world in which children have their existence, whosoever brings them up, there is nothing so finely perceived and so finely felt as injustice." ~ Charles Dickens

9. "It is amazing how quickly the kids learn to drive a car, yet are unable to understand the lawnmower, snowblower or vacuum cleaner." ~ Ben Bergor

10. "The reason grandchildren and grandparents get along so well is because they have a common enemy." ~ Author Unknown

11. "Like all parents, my husband and I just do the best we can, and hold our breath, and hope we've set aside enough money to pay for our kids' therapy." ~ Michelle Pfeiffer

12. "The truth is that parents are not really interested in justice. They just want quiet." ~ Bill Cosby

13. "Mothers are all slightly insane." ~ J.D. Salinger

14. "The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for thirty years she served the family nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found." ~ Calvin Trillin

15. "If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?" ~ Milton Berle

16. "Raising kids is part joy and part guerrilla warfare." ~ Ed Asner

17. "Parents are the bones on which children cut their teeth." ~ Peter Ustinov

18. "Think of stretch marks as pregnancy service stripes." ~ Joyce Armor

About The Author

Noel Jameson
For more funny quotes, check out the popular funny quotes section of Famous-Quotes-And-Quotations.com, a website that specializes in 'Top 10' lists of quotations in dozens of categories.
http://www.famous-quotes-and-quotations.com/funny-quote.html

Raising Your "Spirited Child", Without Going off the Parenting Deep End!

2007-10-03T05:07:00.001-07:00

Over 200 pairs of eyes are glued to me as a spirited child screams, "ORDER ME MY MEAL NOW!"

This child has refused to order his own hamburger (as he has done many times before) and when I calmly tell him he can either order it himself, or go home without his burger, he goes completely berserk. Yes, I have entered into a “food fare nightmare"—with my formidable opponent, an eight year old child.

I feel my cheeks flush as public onlookers wait in complete stunned silence to see who will win—the big one or the little one?

The Four Parenting Keys to Taming Your Spirited Child

Surprisingly, over my years as a family counselor, I have come to love working with spirited children. These children have a fire in their belly, a spark in their eye and a feisty attitude that assures their future in walking to the beat of their own drum instead of blindly following the crowd—a trait many parents hope for during the teen years. Yet that day in the food fare I was worn out, embarrassed and on the verge of saying "I quit!"

Raising your spirited child can be exhausting. Fortunately for me, I learned some commonsense parenting tools that eliminated nearly all future fights. Allow me to share some of these parenting tips that can support your efforts in taming your spirited child.

Raising your spirited child with these four parenting tips can help you navigate the emotional mine field successfully:

1. Use consistency. Follow through on EVERYTHING you say. Spirited children are gifted at manipulating "chances" and finding loopholes to obtaining exactly what they want. Hold your ground as calmly and firmly as possible—whatever you do, don’t back down.

2. Talk less and act more. This works well, because when you get into a debate with a spirited child you are certain to lose! This is why in my "food fare nightmare" example above I gave two simple options; to order the hamburger or go home without it (the talking less part); and then silently waited (the action part).

3. Develop patience. Waiting out a fight without saying anything (especially if a temper tantrum erupts in public) can be one of the most difficult, yet important, things you ever do as a parent. Spirited children are bright—they know that the biggest weapon in their arsenal is to push your embarrassment button. Swallow your pride—do not cave in just because you think you look bad in public. Remember if you cave in, your child will learn to use this trump card every time they want their way in a public setting.

4. Take time out for yourself. Parenting children is exhausting (especially a feisty child). Find little ways to take time out yourself (share child care with a friend, hire a babysitter more, use extra hours at daycare) so you will have more energy and patience to draw from during the trying situations.

What Does the Future Hold for Your Spirited Child?

These commonsense parenting tools tame the negative opposition, but let their beautiful spirit flourish. If you attempt to use traditional discipline practices and make your child do what you want, you face an un-winnable uphill battle.

Fortunately, commonsense parenting does not mean letting your child get away with murder! A commonsense approach uses firm boundaries, mutual respect and discipline—teaching a child to naturally learn and grow from their mistakes rather than fight you every step of the way.

In the midst of your next fight, you may wonder if there will be an end to the madness. I am here to tell you that there will be a resolution to your current dramas. In my case, these tips allowed me to triumph and actually enjoy raising a spirited child.

This same child who gave award-winning temper tantrum performances in public and could bring me to my knees is now a responsible, respectful and enjoyable 17 year old college student whose year ahead is completely paid by scholarships won. For me and him, we both won in the end. May it also be the same for you.

When taming your spirited child remember to keep the faith, learn commonsense parenting tips and know that eventually if you follow the basic principles above "this too shall pass."

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